All About the LOVE

Forgive me friends for I have sinned. It has been nearly 2 years since my last post. Much has changed. Much remains the same. Remembering how to even access my blogpost account brought me much surprise. Thought I'd give writing another try...

But first, a recap:

Went to Africa. Fell in love.

The twins grew up. Full of love.

Met a man. Fell in love.

Went to Africa again. Still in love.

Bought a house. Living in love.

Love has found me...love has been the way.

When You Just Know

Swaziland

42.6 % = HIV/AIDS rate

29 = Life expectancy age

200,000 = orphans

15,000 = orphan-headed households

I must go.

Been holding this secret for some time.

Finally, my stirring has a home.

Heart for Africa has called on me. He has called on me.

Please stop by my trip page...

I am so humbled to join this mission. Much more to share, but can't hold the secret any longer.

Endurance

When I squint, and look off into the distance, I just might be able to see it.

And then. It's gone.

If I hold my breath, close my eyes, pray, wish, daydream; I can almost reach it.

And then. I exhale.

I say it out loud. I say it to myself. I talk in my sleep.

And then. I awaken.

If I am honest with myself, I know that I want to live intimately. Need to live intimately. But in that honesty I realize that I may not know how. I long for closeness, and yet find paralysis in attention. I crave affection yet push away romance. I am alone, but not lonely. I am lonely, but not alone.

And perhaps only a woman can relate to the dissonance repeating in upending tones. Or maybe I shouldn't pull women into my madness. But why can't I make up my damn mind? Some days I feel so certain. Certain that I have made many mistakes. Certain that I will regret these mistakes. Certain that my longing will never cease. Other times I am equally certain that they are not mistakes, rather chapters which will ultimately lead to falling action and resolution.

I don't pretend there is a "happily ever after." I know better, and I dare not dream for such. However, there is a version, a version I can see...when my breathing slows and my mind clears, one that resembles the happy ending.

I don't fault myself for having optimism. Or even for living with doubt. It is through these questions that one day, I believe, I will find my truth.

Please...

***UPDATED LINK***

What can we do to help?

What can WE do...?

Children.

Need Us.

In.

Haiti.

We can help...

My Apologies to the East Coast

Ex Marks the Spot

It deserves to be said, that I pretty much have the best ex-husband ever. I mean this in all sincerity. Ex-spouse is a term we tend to avoid; as it carries such negativity in its perception. We are co-parenting partners, and better yet, friends.

While the details of our situation remain private, it can be said that I find tremendous comfort in knowing that our children are in loving and capable hands, in either home. For this, I am entirely grateful. The friendship that has developed from living separately is intense, honest, uplifting, and just down-right cool.

It is our hope, that when we marry, it is forever. And while our forever comes wrapped in a very unique package, I do truly know that it is a forever built on love and mutual respect. {This can be said with a smile in my heart, maybe because we can send each other's ass a mile down the road when we disagree. Heh} As we redefine our forever, I am filled with a gratitude that our children will always be our greatest privilege and priority.

So today, Patrick... it should be said... thank you for being my forever.

{And yes, I'll take the dog again so you can go on a date, but can you trade days while I go to Vegas for a night, and sure let's go to the so-and-so's party together, and make sure you make her your delicious salmon, and yes I went out with that guy, and can you remember to get Chase a haircut, and sure I'll cut their toenails because I know that's hard for you, and thank you for getting the teachers' a gift and...}

And So It Is...