Oh the joys of magazine subscriptions. Love the mailbox full of glossy faces of bright eyed babes. But seriously? These days? Like I have time to read them. Pshaw.
But, I can't keep myself away from the dang back page. What is it about the so-called "Baby Bloopers" that draw me in? Like I haven't read every combination of child said embarrassing statement (insert: in line at grocery store/at great-grand-nana's house/in front of teacher). Just like I have probably seen every episode of A Baby Story, I have also read every possible combination blooper.
Or so I thought.
Because now? Now, it seems that each story has got to be the biggest ol' bragfest evah. Like even more than a (gasp) blog. :)
They all come with obnoxiously braggy-odd names. And they all seem to be doing obnoxiously more bragalicious-odd stuff.
Example: Last week my daughter Suri-Reese was getting a tad tired while waiting for her older brother Socrates Phoenix to finish his Mandarin Jumprope lessons. Poor Suri-Reese was past her nap time and almost out of organic goat's milk cheese puffs. Much to my dismay, would you believe it? Suri-Reese, a mere 13 months old, actually (gasp) peed in her hand-made overalls. I mean, can you believe my embarrassment? She has been potty-trained for 6 months, and then this? Did I mention it was during Mandarin Jumprope lessons?
Or: When my Mother-In-Law was visiting us from Ireland, my 2 and a half year old son Daiytona was demonstrating his recitation of The Constitution. Suddenly my Mother-in-Law went into cardiac arrest. Daiytona called for his his 4 year old sister, Ameelyia, who was doing tai chi at the time, to grab the defibrillator to help Grand-Nana. In the meantime, Daiytona performed CPR but, forgot the proper compression to ventilation ratio! Fortunately, Ameelyia and Daiytona's younger sister Shamalie, 9 months was able to successfully call 911. Grand-Nana still laughs at Daiytona's silly mistake!
For crying out loud. Just call it "Does Your Child Have This Many Vowels In Her Name, and How Shitty of A Parent Are You?"
Yeah, I'm all talk though. Next month, I'll be turning straight to the back cover, again.