Wednesday, June 24, 2009

How Do You Like THEM Apples?

"Don't forget to buy pears," he tells me. As if I would forget that the kids have an insatiable appetite for pears these days. "And grapes. Get some grapes."
"Okay," I tell him, wincing a bit at the obvious reminders. Truth is, since going back to work, he did more of the grocery shopping than me. The reminders, although maddening, were likely necessary.

That was months ago.

Today I sit alone in my space watching the pears turn from yellow, to spotted and brown. The kids won't be home for two more days and by then the pears will be mush. Sure, I could eat them myself. Sure, I could make some fancy pear tart. Or, I can watch them turn and long for mouths to feed.

There is beautiful freedom in having the day to yourself. A freedom I have not felt since having children. A timely arrangement this has been with the long days of summer. And although I miss my kiddos deeply while they are with their dad, I know they are in good hands, and I am enjoying the sense of calm that I have found. Here. In my own little space.

So, yeah, I have to modify my grocery list a bit. And perhaps, I'll be eating a bit more cold cereal for dinner (because, I can!).

And so what we had to put the play room in the garage? The kids love it!

They can romp and play in those things called bedrooms too.

So I might just have to have some friends over for pear margaritas. Because the kids? It turns out? They like apples too!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Mediation Medication

So, deciding to get a divorce was a mutually painful process.  One in which I won't share here.  

But I've learned something new:  deciding to get a divorce and going to a flippin' mediator whose office is shared with a dentist while a cavity drill is screeching in between breaths of the $450 p/hour mediator who really likes to hear himself speak...

That?  Is worse.

Patrick and I were exchanging knowing glances, kicking each other to (presumably) keep the other from driving the cavity drill through the mediator's head, and even holding hands under the table.

Because That?  Was freakin' painful.

Fortunately we were given the blessing to make the next appointment a phone conference.  Where phone conference means setting down the flippin' receiver, having a couple of drinks, and coming back for the "I agree" part.

Because mediators who don't shut up?  Might actually be doing a disservice to the profession by bringing Patrick and I closer together when we are trying to divvy the shit up.

Next time a friend needs marriage counseling (yeah right, like they'd ask me), I'm referring them to mediator dude in dentist office.  They might actually walk out holding hands.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

She Really Is Choosing Her Own...

So, I guess it's time for some words...

Maybe it's been a long time coming.  Maybe it's a rash decision.  Maybe it doesn't matter how we got here, only that, we are here.

I must say, it seems to me that if ever there were an "amicable" divorce, this is such.  So far.  Patrick and I are actually getting along better than we have in a long time.  Perhaps it is because, there is nothing left for which to argue.  

While I don't pretend that the road ahead will not be uncertain and awkward, I do have great hope for our family:  all four of us.

Thank you.  Truly.  I have been so truly supported these last weeks.  Your kindness, yes YOUR kindness, has been divinely appreciated.  Thank you for helping me navigate these new waters, carefully, and boldly.  Thank you for the gentle strength you have shared with me.

(See?  Not too bad for a couple shaking out troubled times...)

Before I share a letter with you (which some of you have already seen), I need to thank a certain friend who helped craft the letter (thank you friend).  :)

I have not moved out yet.  I have, however, ordered furniture!  Patrick has been extremely helpful with all, and has even offered to help hang my pictures and curtains (which I hate to do).  I get the keys to this new journey on Friday... 

Dear Friends,

We are writing this email to share some very difficult news with you. After 9+ years together, Patrick and I have decided to separate and will be filing for divorce in the weeks ahead.  This has not been an easy decision for us to make, however, we mutually feel it is the correct one.  God has blessed us with two wonderful children and our primary concern now lies only with how we can make this transition as easy as possible for them.  

While our relationship details remain a private matter, it is important for us that you know of our feelings as we go through this challenging period in our lives.  As a result of our separation, Patrick and I will soon be living in two different residences, adjusting to separate living environments and sharing custody of our children.  This will not be easy on any of us, but we will deal with the situation as best we can.  Our goal is to handle this as we have tried to handle all of our shared experiences – with respect, compassion, honesty and best intentions for one-another.  While we continue to work through parent time-sharing options for Tatum and Chase, we are determined to come up with a plan which will be the most beneficial for them.  Patrick and I do not have anger towards each other and we still want to be a part of each other’s lives in both the short and long term future. As such, we are still planning on attending family/holiday events together, we are still planning on sharing time with Tatum and Chase together, and we will still be interacting with our shared friends at normal functions. 

This is understandably going to be awkward for our friends, but please know that Patrick and I still consider ourselves very close friends and it is not a problem for us to bump into each other in social settings. We would appreciate your efforts in maintaining as much routine and normalcy as possible with regard to invitations, communications, parties, etc..

We have recently discussed this with Tatum and Chase and will continue to lift them in these times.  Thank you for your understanding and caring during this challenging time.  

Patrick and Jamie