Wednesday, June 3, 2009

She Really Is Choosing Her Own...

So, I guess it's time for some words...

Maybe it's been a long time coming.  Maybe it's a rash decision.  Maybe it doesn't matter how we got here, only that, we are here.

I must say, it seems to me that if ever there were an "amicable" divorce, this is such.  So far.  Patrick and I are actually getting along better than we have in a long time.  Perhaps it is because, there is nothing left for which to argue.  

While I don't pretend that the road ahead will not be uncertain and awkward, I do have great hope for our family:  all four of us.

Thank you.  Truly.  I have been so truly supported these last weeks.  Your kindness, yes YOUR kindness, has been divinely appreciated.  Thank you for helping me navigate these new waters, carefully, and boldly.  Thank you for the gentle strength you have shared with me.


(See?  Not too bad for a couple shaking out troubled times...)

Before I share a letter with you (which some of you have already seen), I need to thank a certain friend who helped craft the letter (thank you friend).  :)

I have not moved out yet.  I have, however, ordered furniture!  Patrick has been extremely helpful with all, and has even offered to help hang my pictures and curtains (which I hate to do).  I get the keys to this new journey on Friday... 


Dear Friends,

We are writing this email to share some very difficult news with you. After 9+ years together, Patrick and I have decided to separate and will be filing for divorce in the weeks ahead.  This has not been an easy decision for us to make, however, we mutually feel it is the correct one.  God has blessed us with two wonderful children and our primary concern now lies only with how we can make this transition as easy as possible for them.  

While our relationship details remain a private matter, it is important for us that you know of our feelings as we go through this challenging period in our lives.  As a result of our separation, Patrick and I will soon be living in two different residences, adjusting to separate living environments and sharing custody of our children.  This will not be easy on any of us, but we will deal with the situation as best we can.  Our goal is to handle this as we have tried to handle all of our shared experiences – with respect, compassion, honesty and best intentions for one-another.  While we continue to work through parent time-sharing options for Tatum and Chase, we are determined to come up with a plan which will be the most beneficial for them.  Patrick and I do not have anger towards each other and we still want to be a part of each other’s lives in both the short and long term future. As such, we are still planning on attending family/holiday events together, we are still planning on sharing time with Tatum and Chase together, and we will still be interacting with our shared friends at normal functions. 

This is understandably going to be awkward for our friends, but please know that Patrick and I still consider ourselves very close friends and it is not a problem for us to bump into each other in social settings. We would appreciate your efforts in maintaining as much routine and normalcy as possible with regard to invitations, communications, parties, etc..

We have recently discussed this with Tatum and Chase and will continue to lift them in these times.  Thank you for your understanding and caring during this challenging time.  

Sincerely,
Patrick and Jamie 

29 comments:

Shauna said...

Come on over and check out my new book giveaway blog :)

just jamie said...

Hey Shauna,

Are you freaking kidding me?

The end.

katydidnot said...

shauna? seriously? jesus.

jamie? i love you. also? i'm really glad you didn't go missing. i was worried yesterday. you know why? because i love you.

Kelli said...

I'm thinking of you and praying that this goes smoothly. That's good that at least you two are able to get along for the kids and the decisions that need to be made for the future. Thanks for the update.

theglassdragonfly said...

A difficult decision. It sounds like you both are willing to work together and are keeping the kids a priority.

I think that's a wonderful start. Good luck as you move through the next steps in this journey.

Life As I Know It said...

wow - what a difficult time this must be for all of you, yet you are handling it so well. Good luck through all the upcoming transitions in your life. Sounds like you have a great support system around you...and so great that you and your husband remain close.

Kat said...

I guess I don't even know what to write. I just hope we can all be here for you as you need us to be, and that this change can go as smoothly as possible for you and the kids.
Thank you for sharing such a personal and emotional time with us (and the letter too). I hope you can draw strength from your friends and family and your bloggy friends too. And not just for book giveaways. ;) WTF?

Chris said...

You are both very strong people to work the situation out as you have. May all that happens as you move forward be the best it can be. And thanks for sharing this with us. We are here for you!

Kori said...

Oh, Jamie. I cannot even begin to tell you all in my heart so just know I love you.

Pumpkin Delight said...

I know I've just recently been following your blog so I feel awkward commenting on such an peronally emotional post. It sounds like things ARE working out for the best and I think your letter is amazing. Good luck to you in this new chapter of your life.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Shauna just went to hell. In my mind.

Jamie,

Awkward? I would hope not. Your friends are blessed to know you, and have much to learn from you.

I love you.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Shauna is going to blog hell.

It is so wonderful to see two people truly putting their children first.

Amy said...

Good luck to you guys. Sounds like you have really put a lot of thought into this and considered so many other people besides yourselves. Especially your children, and that is awesome! Hang in there, it's a tough time, but I'm sure it's going to work out.

Trish said...

shauna? Are you fucking kidding me?
James, you and the kids and patrick will be great. You are smart, strong, mature adults putting your kids first! Of course you are. You wouldn't do anything other than that! Oh I lerve you!

MelADramatic Mommy said...

Thank you for sharing. You're a great mom. You and Patrick will be fine and the kids will too because they're surrounded with love.

Michelle Seyle said...

Hi Jamie,

I applaud your courage and I truly admire your commitment to your children and to co-parenting with Patrick. It CAN be done. :) And your children WILL be ok. Never commented here before (emailed you a few times...we met at Alicia's). But I just wanted to say that I am thinking positive thoughts for your whole family.

Kristen said...

Jamie,

I hope that it was freeing for you to write about this. I think of you often and wonder how you are. I know that you will be OK in this. And so will your beautiful twins.

Hugs to you and your whole family.

And yes, what the hell is Shauna's deal? Seriously, I think she just got kicked out of the blog world if you ask me!

Karen said...

While this has to be one of the hardest things you've done, you're making it look easy. Small comfort, I know. *hugs*

Burgh Baby said...

You short sell yourself so much, but it's obvious that you are doing the best anyone can do in a tough situation. You ROCK!

Oh, and you should check out my book review, too. Except that I don't have one, and I'm not a complete dorkface.

Marlys said...

j-me,
Once again you amaze me (though you shouldn't by now, I know). I hope I have the opportunity to see you again on the shores of some lake, river, ocean, etc. and give you a hug!

love, mar

Krystyn said...

You are both handling this so well and amicably definitely sounds like the right way to put it.

I pray it is an easy transition for the four of you.

Jason, as himself said...

I wish only the best for you!

xoxoxo

Jason

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Oh boy Jamie!

I am thinking of you, Patrick, Chase and Tatum and will be saying a special prayer that you all find peace, comfort and love.

Know you have a national support group pulling for you :)

LOVE,
Lisa

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

PS--Check out my latest blog giveaway
(KIDDING!)

katydidnot said...

oh, i was going to kick lisa's ass for a second there. but then i saw kidding, and now i kind of love her.

dkuroiwa said...

I just want to reach out and hug you right now, james...
Making this decision was such a big step...for you. and really...how great for the kids not to have what most of us had...you know...screaming parents, head games and snarky comments from all sides!!

warm thoughts of love and friendship to you!

(and really...don't you think shauna was just confused? no one could be THAT cold! could they?)

Huckdoll said...

I'm nothing short of thrilled for you, J. To be honest, I've drafted a blog post all on it's own in tribute to your strength and bravery through all of this. YOU, my dear, are the inspiration...and the way you've come together with Patrick to strive for peace and understanding among your children, family and friends? Commendable.

I cannot wait to read your journey in finding your happy.

Cheers to you, hun xo

CC said...

Thank you for sharing such a intimate (and difficult) part of your lives right now. Big hugs for the upcoming weeks and months. The letter is so peaceful, strong, and mature and I applaud that you are telling people rather than having them just "find out".

Saucy said...

It seemed shocking, scary and downright terrifying at first, but now, ten years later and I have been remarried for five of those years (I am only 42)... my former husband and I remained amicable and I would say we are now FRIENDS. It can be done. You just have to work on a good divorce as much as you have to work on a marriage. It sounds like an oxymoron but it's true. Good luck.