Friday, May 9, 2008

I Almost Became A Republican

This week I had a nice surprise in the mail.  It was addressed to me.  My name.  My address.  Me.  Me.  Me.  It looked  a little something like this:

That's right.  Four thousand dollars for me.  Pretty good tax return for a Stay At Home Mom (See how I did that?  I used capital letters to show my important title).  Well, maybe that g.w. guy (See how I did that?  No capital letters there sucka) isn't so bad after all.  He might just be coming around.  Four thousand dollars for my extremely important and effective efforts as Commander In Chief at home (sorry, honey, I don't see your name on the check).  

I was all geared up for an extra special Mother's Day treat.  Maybe a new camera lens.  Maybe a day at the Spa.  Maybe that iPhone I've been whining about.

And then this came:

In case you can't read the fine print, allow me:

"We found credits erroneously applied to your account in the amount of $ 4,000.00"

Really?

See my new balance to to the IRS:

$ 4,009.19

What the eff?  I owe YOU interest for YOUR mistake.  Penis head Bush Administration.  Yeah, you know it's his fault.  

Okay, so I maybe  would have done the right thing anyways and returned the money. But come on. With interest?

In other news... have you ever read the side of your tampon box?  I don't really have to apologize to my male readers because I'm pretty sure I have none (do I?).  

Check this out:

It reads:

"Select the minimal absorbency needed to control your menstrual flow in order to reduce the risk of getting TSS."

(I know, gross.  But it gets worse.)


So, how many grams is your output my friend?  See the handy chart?  Oh, of course.  Allow me to get out my test tubes and measuring cups ... maybe add a little baking soda and WHAM!  

Anyways, today I'm just feeling all confused about the IRS and Tampons.  You?

42 comments:

katydidnot said...

yeah, so i didn't understand that whole effing IRS deal, except that it looks like you are screwed. tampons. yeah, they've always confused me.

LIghtKeeper said...

I find it very interesting that IRS and Tampon are subjects in the same post. (bastards!) I love you for saying it. :-)

Misty said...

I'm about to crap my pants. HOLY CRAP, I tell ya. I'm still getting over it, as I am sure you are to.

Cheri said...

Dude~
When I read the title of this post, I almost took you off my Google Reader.

;-)

WTF with the IRS? OMG.

Wendi said...

You. are. hilarious.

Tax refund.
Shopping dreams.
George Bush.
Tampons.
No tax refund.
Penalties and interest.

I am seeing a pattern here.

Somewhere.

Thanks for the laughs...and
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'm with Cheri--that is not really something to joke about!

Hunters Glory said...

ok so you got interest...but why not a penalty? If you have made the mistake it would have cost you more than interest...that is our government for you....nice surprise though, very very nice!

LaskiGal said...

At first I was so darned excited for you! But then . . .

The IRS and tampons in the same post? Oddly, it fits . . .

jess said...

O.k..... I am laughing my butt off!! I like how the IRS and tampons are in the same post.... FUNNY!!!!!

Amy said...

That's an eff u, I'll say! How about you mail the check back in a tampon box!(and don't you pay that interest). I'm just saying..... =)

OHmommy said...

I just peed in my pants.

That is all.

Law Student Hot Mama said...

Man that sucks. The IRS, I mean. You know, I got a parking ticket today for $30 and decided that people who are parking lot attendants and IRS employees are truly the scum of the earth. Truly.

(I'm totally arguing the parking ticket because the area I live in has signs that say "no parking" and signs that say "no parking or standing." I was standing in an area that had signs that read "no parking" when I got my ticket. Hey, it's $30, right? Whatever, might as well give it a shot.)

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I hope you'll be back!

Jasmine said...

Oh. My. God! I loved this post! I am so glad to hear you are a DEMO like me and proud of it! That's pretty crappy though, I'd be calling to complain and point out that you are not paying the extra $9.19. I love your idea of using test tubes as well... how long exactly are we supposed to collect before we know the amount of grams?? Crazy!
Loved it!

Angela said...

Great post.
Maybe you could stick those tampons

Um never mind

A dream check
A reality check
Go to the spa anyway you deserve it

Chrissy said...

Just another example of us paying for the mistakes of this presidency.

And doesn't everyone measure their flow on a regular basis?

Kristen said...

I would be so pissed! I hope you complained and chewed someone's ear off who promptly apologized to you!

And the tampon thing is hilarious!

So why in the world are you heading to Scottsdale? This is the time of year that all Phoenicans flood your beautiful city looking to escape the heat. Bummer. It would have been fun to meet in person! :)

One La Costa Mom said...

Heartbreaking! To have that many zero's in your hand only to have them snatched away... with interest!

And why grams and not ounces?

tommie said...

I was shopping right there in my dreams with you .....
Don't even get me started on tampons!

Jennifer H said...

Both the IRS and the tampons leave you with the feeling that you've been totally screwed?

jamie said...

OMG! that is great... love your posts. i came across your blog from jessica's that lives in Illinois... good stuff! ;)

Karen said...

You're not going to pay the interest are you? I'm thinking I'd send the check back with a note, and maybe some samples from your test tube kit.

Lisa said...

The IRS bill is my nightmare--gosh, I really hope it is THEIR error!

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Never joke about the republican thing. Never.

I've been trying to figure that tampon thing out for years. Maybe I'll finally break down and buy a scale just for that purpose so I can find out if I'm been doing things right all these years. Probably not, though.

David said...

My first time stopping here and I like what I see! I was excited for you, sad for you, curious for you, laughed at you, with you, for you, cried a bit....
It has all the elements.
Thanks
David

CC said...

Hahahahaha!!!!!!! Phew! Glad you didn't actually change parties there. Definitely interesting that you combined these posts. Hmmmm.

On another note, I just gave you an award. :) Check it out!

BOSSY said...

Talk about A Flow Chart! Eew. Speaking of which, have you ever read Bossy's review of the new Tampax design?

http://www.iambossy.com/i_am_bossy/2007/07/bossys-product-.html

4 Little Men & Twins said...

thanks for the laugh! Bummer about the taxes and tampons though. :)

Brittany

Cecily R said...

I've actually spent a decent amount of time reading tampon boxes while locked in the bathroom trying to get some quiet time for myself. Hey, the kids are loud, I'll take what I can get... and I still have to wonder who tests this stuff. Ew.

I say take up an interest collection. We'll help you pay the idiot on the hill.

Sandra Ree said...

lol Jamie, great post! :)

Trish said...

Sheesh, not only did you lose the 4 grand plus interest but you almost got written out of the will when I read the headline of your post. Bastaeds. Some stimulus check. It stimulates me into calling the IRS with a few eff words and a question about their flow.

David said...

Thank you for your warm comments on my post. It is appreciated and I thank you for taking the time to visit and to comment.

Lisa said...

You are too, too funny! George Bush & tampons go in the same post - both sucky & stupid!!!

love it!

Kellan said...

I love the labels at the bottom of this post - "IRS and tampons" and, my personal favorite, "Stupid George Bush" - ACK!!!!!!!!!

I hope you have a good Mother's Day Jamie - see you soon - Kellan

baby~amore' said...

OMG - taxes and atmpons in the same post .The first cheque would have been a nice big surprise then a shocking shock ... let alone TSS warnings - you are so funny Jamie.

sauerkraut said...

I am an occasional vistor, so you do have one semi-regular male reader. Just don't throw any tampons at me or suggest that I use something to make me more regular.

Thought TSS was thing of the past? non??

As for what to use when (not that I intend to put that knowledge to actual use), what does a woman do if she measures out 9 grams?

What I find funny in terms of juxtaposition, is your use of gw and tampon in the same post. Not that I am suggesting anything.

oh, and by the way... if you are going to measure, might I suggest a petrie dish or a pyrex cup.

LaskiGal said...

Just droppi' by to hope you had a lovely Mother's Day!!! Well deserved . . . now, back to my foot rub :)

Ruth said...

I'm annoyed about that stimulus check. I was eagerly planning out my ways of frivolously spending some of it, waiting for the direct deposit to be posted on May 2nd. May 2nd came & went. No money. I called the IRS a few days later. Sure, we had our tax return direct deposited into our bank account, but apparently that wasn't good enough. Turbo Tax uses some bank of theirs when they do the transaction, and because of that, the government will mail ours out - on the 15th of this month. Mail. We'll get it by the end of June. There went my indulgent hair appointment plans!

(Found your blog by surfing around - enjoyed reading it!)

Nap Warden said...

OK, charging the interest is just cruel...boo hiss!

Motherhood for Dummies said...

WOW! I wish I was getting that much! I am just super excited about the rebate! Yeaaaa money for being married and having kids... I knew it would pay off :)

MamaGeek said...

It's a conspiracy. Glame George for both. Some way. Some how.

MamaGeek said...

Glame = Blame. But you knew that. :)

My Ice Cream Diary said...

HA HA HA. Ok, it has been far too long since I've stopped by here. This is too funny (though the money thing is sad). The thought of measuring my menstrual flow makes me think of my current (recurring) beef with peeing in a cup. How on earth am I supposed to get it in that little cup when I can't even see the cup under my big belly??? It is so gross.