Saturday, July 12, 2008

Dumb, Dumber, and The Dumbest Haircut Beyotch

Why?  Why am I such a sucker?  Why am I so polite, sometimes causing me to smile, bite my lip, and get exactly what I don't want?

I've actually tried to cut my kids hair myself.  I think I even do a decent job.  Kids haircuts are such a rip-off and I always walk out feeling like they cut too much and I paid too much.  But, to even out my hack-jobs, I take the kids every other haircut, and roll the dice.

Sometimes it's the over-priced Bambino's.
Sometimes it's Supercuts.
Today, it was the over-priced Kids Kuts.

As Chase jumps into the big chair...

Slacker Haircut Chic:  So Mom, what's it going to be?

Me:  I'd like you to keep it long, especially in the front.  Please don't blend it, put layers in, or use those funny scissors that sort of blend and feather the strands.  Basically just clean up the sides and back.

Me:  Oh, and please don't give him those "Dumb and Dumber" bangs.  Long in the front is just fine.  

I walk away.  I hate to hover and make their job unpleasant.  I trust that they deal with anal parents analyzing each snip.  I want to create a relationship of trust and easy-going air to the professional stylist.  

I smile politely and walk away to the miniature playhouse with Tatum.

She smacks her gum, and commences.

10 minutes later...

Slacker Haircut Chic:  What do you think, Mom?

Me:  (thinking it's a little shorter than I had hoped for, but this is a haircut after all...) Sure, looks great.  Thanks.  

I start to grab the basket of lollipops knowing the hacking is over.

SHC:  She continues to cut.  And cut.  And cut.  Then she gets out those effing, little, blended scissors and starts freaking feathering layers into the top of his head?  

I watch.  She's deliberately doing what I clearly asked her NOT to do.
She keeps freaking cutting.

The next part is where my blood starts bubbling inside.  My smile fades.  My eyes scrunch up.  My head tilts.  WHAT the HELL is she DOING?
Me:  Um, excuse me.  I know you must deal with parents who over-analyze your every move every day.  I'm sorry to add to that but, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SHC:  She keeps cutting.  Blending.  Feathering.  Cutting.  Blending.  Feathering.

Me:  Okay lady.  You've completely turned my kids hair into a Dumb and Dumber haircut.  I asked for LONG bangs.  Why did you continue to cut?

SHC:  I think it just looks better this way.

Me:  I  happen to be his parent, and you happen to need to follow through on what a parent requests.  I asked you not to use those blendy scissor things (what the heck are those stupid scissors called anyway?).

SHC:  His hair was just thick on top.  It needed to be thinned out.

Me:  You suck lady.  His thick hair is awesome.  You suck at your job.  You suck at public relations.  You suck at listening.  You even suck at fixing your own damn stringy hair.  Why the hell did you use those scissors?

SHC:  I like to piss parents off and do exactly the opposite of what they request.  I get off on it.


Okay, okay.  I wouldn't actually treat a service provider like that.
That didn't really happen.  But in my head it went down a little like that.

Instead, I shuttered on the inside, smiled politely, and handed Chase a five dollar bill to "tip the nice lady."



Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Not that he's not still adorable, but I feel ya' babe!

I still remember my 13 year old crying in the car after a beyotch from Fantastic Sam's cut off all the hair he'd been growing out for months after she was given totally explicity directions.

Since then we go to a beauty school. Sometimes it takes forever, but the students really care about fulfilling your desires. Plus, the instructors check and clean everything up.

Amber M. said...

But seriously, could he be ANY cuter? I think not.

Kristen said...

Oh I am so sorry! That totally SUCKS!

But, does it count that I think Chase is still totally adorable??

And it isn't too bad. Hopefully, the thick hair will come back really fast.

OHmommy said...

Oh Jamie... he is the cutest boy ever. Ever.

Chrissy said...

He's still the cutest darn kid on the block, but I would be totally pissed about the hair cutter lady completely ignoring such explicit instructions.

LaskiGal said...

He's still mighty cute.

Get this . . . I had my hair highlighted a few weeks ago. She left it on too long. I knew it. She knew it. I have long streaks of WHITE BLOND in my nearly BLACK hair.

Nice, huh. She said, "It looks cute." Liar.

I agreed. Sucker.

I tipped her. Super Sucker.

I went home and used a box of temporary coloring (the Natural Instincts stuff) and toned it down by about 10 shades.

Yup. My hair looked like the back of a dozen skunks making out and I said NOTHING. Nothing . . .

I just put my skunk tail between my leg and went home to fix my very expensive highlights.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Oh Jamie. You are kind and sweet like your mom. But. Never. Ever. Never go to Kid Kuts. Ever. They are the worst. I had a similar experience with Laura, Someone is always screaming in there, and usually it's someone's mom.

He's still cute as a button. And you can totally fix up those bangs with a little hair gel.

Hilary said...

All I see is an adorable face. Hair grows back.. even when they opt to chop or shave it themselves and even when they decide to dye it strange colours. I understand the frustration though.

Denise Thomas said...

Sweet girl, not even Slacker Haircut Chick could make him anything other than adorable. She could shave his head bald and dye the fuzz purple and he would still be adorable. You're just stuck with an adorable boy!

Kathryn said...

I was SOOOOO hoping you actually did say all those things to her. ;)
He looks adorable nonetheless.

Bring him on over to my house. I promise I won't use the "thinning shears". ;)

Krystyn said...

He's so cute! And the glasses go well! And, I wish you would have said those things to the lady. They need to know!

Trish said...

Take you moms advice and never go to those places again. My girl work right across the street from you and she's cute, has fab hair and she is consistent and follows directions. Give the little dummy double love from gran because I thinks he looks totally handsome!

San Diego Momma said...

His cuteness cannot be dimmed by a haircut. But i would totally be PISSED, too. It's the principle of the thing.

My problem is when my hair stylist does what I want her to b/c she clearly knows I'm crazy.

But that didn't happen to you. And this is about you.

chris said...

Oh - if only you had said all that. :) I'm getting our 10 month old's haircut soon and I'm nervous about it... so it was good to read about your experiences!

Tiffany said...

Oh my gosh - you are so funny - I totally relate to your "head talk" in those places - You at least step away for a minute - I am such a control freak that I stay there and watch every move - If I am going to pay for an overpriced haircut, I am determined to walk out with what I want - And yes, I have so said some of the same things in my head!

Nevertheless, he looks so cute and fortunately for all of us, it grows back!

Amy said...

Oh he's still a cutie, and it's hair, it will grow back right? I hate taking my girls to get theirs done. You really never know what you are going to get and for me, it's always a small fortune.

Lindsey said...

So I am so sorry that your visit sucked. I HATE it when people don't listen to me. Although, he is still such a cutie pie. Really. And the haircut?? It's pretty cute too.

Mylhibug said...

You should have kicked her a**!!

Okay, I wouldn't have done it either, but each time I SHOULD HAVE, my wife told me so. :)

Oh, he still looks cute, so no harm done.

Kellan said...

He STILL is just plain adorable!!!

I loved this post, as it is SO ME TOO!!

He's a cutie - especially that precious smile and cute glasses!


4funboys said...

ahhhhh... I'm dreading having to get the boys hair cuts tomorrow JUST BECAUSE IT WILL BE JUST LIKE THIS FOR ME TOMORROW!

and... I won't do your wonderful replay with all that finesse.

dang-- I hate that!

ps... he is pretty dang cute though.

pss... I certainly won't tip 5 bucks for each of the boys- especially since I'll already be ticked about the chop job anyway.

Wendi said...

The story, not the cut.
Chase would be cute bald.

I think the scissors you are speaking of are called thinning shears.

Good two weeks it will all be a memory.

Stephanie said...

I think he'd be a cutie any which way his hair was cut - look at that killer smile on him!

If you still aren't a fan of it, at least boy's hair grows fast.

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

Lucky for you he is such a cutie :)

Melanie said...

It'll grow back. Less hair to wash on vacation.

Karen said...

Oh my goodness. I kid you not I had this same experience. Except my little boy has a regular "barber" which I recommend who does a great job, but I happened to be in the mall so figured might as well get it done while I was there. WRONG! I swear she did the same thing combed the bangs straight down and cut it straight across! Who does that?!!!! I was so mad but I still tipped her. Then I was mad that I did that:) We then had to take him to the barber and have him fix it! Double the price. So lesson I learned. Stick with who you trust!!

My Ice Cream Diary said...

This is why I hate hair salons almost as much as I hate the dentist. But you tipped her? Okay, I hate to say it but... No, I won't say it. I've been there too often myself.

Luckily that kid could pull off any haircut and make it look great.

Burgh Baby's Mom said...

I can't say a word; I would have done the same thing.

Maybe if you take a pic of him when it's actually done the way you like it you could shove it in every subsequent hairdresser's face?

katydidnot said...

he is still completely cute.