Friday, November 28, 2008

Stirring

Like the moon pulling the waves...so too my mind s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-s, and then releases.  Again, s-t-r-e-t-c-h and release.

Can't quite figure out all the stirring within, but something is happening.  

Do you ever feel like your destined to be doing ... well, something else?  The vastness of the world, the poverty, the faces, the stories, the suffering, the celebrations...it all exists out there and yet here I sit, in the safety of my home, my neighborhood, my country.  

s-t-r-e-t-c-h ....

Where can I go to fill the hole within?  Can I build a well so children can be nourished by clean drinking water?  Spend time in a refuge camp?  An orphanage?  Adopt?  Live humbly.  Give.  Give.  Give.  Serve in the Peace Corps?  Travel by foot?  Write?  Learn languages?  

...and release.

Of course I am pulled back to Earth, my world, my home, my family, my children, my job.  I think of jeans I'd like to buy, movies I'd like to watch, organic food I'd like to eat.  I bathe in gallons of clean water, brush my teeth several times a day, sip Starbucks, drive freely, on-line shop, snap at the kids, worship in the church of my choice, sleep restfully.

s-t-r-e-t-c-h...

How can I give more, be more, learn more, live more?  How can I fill my life with more spirit?  How can I share my freedoms with those who suffer?

...and release.

Where can I get that, do that, see that, try that, buy that?

s-t-r-e-t-c-h...

Some days I imagine shedding my skin and following the footsteps of my soul.  Some days I imagine leaping into a life where selfless acts come first, and where that means much more than serving a hot meal to others before ourselves.  Some days I feel the bubbling inside and wonder if I have the courage to make it last...

...and release.

And then I look into the faces of that which I've already begun.  I can't leave them.  Not because they need me.  But because I need them.  I need their strength to guide me through this world, this place.  And my prayer is that we journey into our future with clarity, grace, and purpose, together.

25 comments:

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

I agree with every word. I get so frustrated too--we have so much what can we do?! But then I am reminded I am helping to build these little lives at home. We can make the world a better place just by raising our kids :)

Happy Thanksgiving :)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I feel like that all the time. I think about fostering a child, then I think about the concrete reality of that and that I don't actually want to do that and I feel terrible.

I wish I could be one of those selfless people who don't need material possessions and creature comforts, but I'm not.

I do more than many and less than some and I am trying to make peace with that.

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Oh Jamie, how I love you. Really, really love you.

Krystyn said...

Oh, there is always so much time to think...it's a wonder we can sleep sometimes.

Oh, to have the innocence of a child.

CRigg said...

Beautifully said.

And I hear ya sistah. I so hear ya.

I wake up every day and ask myself what my higher purpose is. And then I realize I was put on this earth to raise *them*, be with *him* and try, through my actions to be the best I can be for my family.

Hey, when your twins are like 7 or 8 or something, want to come with Dave and I and our twins when we do some type of non-profit charitable work project overseas? Totally serious. That's our plan in 5 years: take the summer off and work somewhere with the kids to build houses somewhere or feed an orphanage or something. I have a hole within as well, and what better way to fill it than together with the family.

MelADramatic Mommy said...

Dude, existential much? ;^) At least hyou have these things on your mind. Some people never want to make THE world a better place, only THEIR world.

Adopt a family, adopt a soldier, volunteer at a shelter, buy something on Kiva. There's so much you can do, you'll find the one thing that speaks to you.

Mommy2Twinkies-Deb said...

Hi there. This was a perfect for how I was feeling today! Thanks so much for visiting my blog, and for your comment! I'll be stopping by more often! Your twins are gorgeous!

Lindsey said...

It's so nice to know someone else has the exact same thoughts:)

Well written honest post. Kuddos to you!

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

I think we all go through this angst at some point or if you are like me, repeatedly. And then I remember that there is a season for everything. Right now those two beautiful kids are your purpose. And the rest will come. Blessings and kudos for a great post!

Trish said...

You are the face I look into knowing that I have always needed your strength in exactly the same way you need Tatum and Chase, only now you are grown up and I depend on your strength and grace even more. But I also feel pulled and stretched and I feel the dream of doing something better in the world than what I am doing now starting to poke through the surface like a little green sprout... I wonder what it will grow to be?

Angela said...

Just get really busy so that you fall asleep with out thinking

Sometimes it helps to just not think.
And there are days that you just have to think.

Smiles

Chrissy said...

Goosebumps. You have beautifully expressed what so many of us wrestle with. Follow your gut and include your children in whatever you do so that they can experience, through you, the joy of giving oneself to others.

Kellan said...

What a great post, Jamie - I loved it and have known many of these same feelings. It is true - we need them more than they really need us!!

Take care - Kellan

Jason, as himself said...

Yours is the most meaningful post of the day!

Baby Mama said...

I completely feel you. sometimes i have such an urge, wanting and needing to do more,like my soul knows its unfulfilled potential and i am blind to it. we hold ourselves back from so many beautiful things we are capable of doing, becoming. we are so comfortable in our safe little worlds. i am the same way! But i believe little things make a difference. sponser a child. use canvas bags, recycle, donate, pray. we each have a role to fill whether big or small. your post really inspired me, thanks! and thanks for stopping by my blog!

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

I am new here! What a great blog :) ♥ Hugs!

Burgh Baby said...

I can't even make fun of you when you write beautiful things like that. Dammit.

~Swankymama said...

I found this so thought provoking, compelling, goose-bumpy.

You are awesome.

CC said...

Beautiful! I can relate so much.

Well said.

Jennifer said...

what a beautiful post. :)

you are so right. we all feel that way at some point. i need my children too, more than they need me. i'm sure of it.

thank you for your comment on my blog today... hope you got to go see the other blogs and check them out too!! :)

beautiful writing. :)

xoxoxox

San Diego Momma said...

You explained so well how I often feel.

And you are so right.

I'm copying your prayer.

Last Place Finisher said...

I tried stretching but pulled a muscle.

I tried doing something else but it done me wrong.

I tried to fill the hole but it didn't make me whole.

What restores the soul? I don't know. I just want to be closer to those I love.

Jennifer said...

i'm a dork. i tagged you yesterday and forgot to let you know that i tagged you. duh!!

so....

you are tagged. IF you want to play along. :)

xoxox

Candy said...

oH i LOVE THIS. I can't believe I have not commented on this yet.

AS I read this (again), the song "clarity" by John Mayer is playing from my page in the background.

Clarity, grace, and purpose, together......is EXACTLY what I want.

Jason, as himself said...

Hi Jamie, I have a little award for you over at The Jason Show, because I think you're amazing. If you want it.