Monday, September 28, 2009

What? A Girl's Got to Accessorize?

There are definitely some advantages to living without a man in the house. My own closet. My own stash of ice cream. Pink sheets. Violet sheets. Flowery sheets. Watching whateverthehellIwant on TV.

And then? There are those moments where I reeeeeaaaally could use a man.

Take for example the sweet and serene scene of a Mom gently tucking her little boy into bed. She lovingly pulls back the sheets, gathers all of his favorite stuffed creatures, plumps the pillows in just the right... HOLY SHIT WHAT IS THAT ON HIS PILLOW?


...




I'm pretty sure it looked more like this, actually:


What's a Mom to do...but scream? Duh. Then, ask children to hurrythefuckup and run and get a shoe. I figure I'm best suited to keep an eye on the thing (although I really couldn't have missed the dragon-sized-beast feverishly crawling on my son's pillow) while the youngins' run and fetch me a weapon.

"Hurry please. Go get me a shoe."

"Where?"

"In my closet. Hurry. Quick. Shoe."

....

...

"Hellooooo? Just get a shoe. Any shoe. Quickly."

"Tatum," (I think Chase spotted some legos or something far more interesting along the way) "Where are you?"

"Mommy, I'm tryyyyyying."

...
...

"Tatum, I can't take my eye off this thing. Just.Grab.A.Shoe.Right.Now."

About 40twentyhundred16 minutes later, she shows up with a lovely red ballet flat. One which I know damn well was not the most conveniently located shoe in the closet. In fact, it would have taken some perusing, reaching, tippy-toes, major yoga moves to find that shoe.

It's a shoe she has had a penchant for borrowing once before.




Apparently, a it's an innate sense that a girl must always choose exactly the right shoe for every event.

16 comments:

Cheri @ Blog This Mom! said...

Forget the spider. Forget the shoes.

I see a box of cookies.

That is all.

Except not really.

There's this truth to be told, but only to you. In private. Between us. Here in your comment section.

Truth: After having gone through all of the trouble of finding, marrying, and staying married to a second husband? I still kill the spiders. I'm better at it. He hesitates and they get away. Me? I spots 'em and I kills 'em. No hesitation. No mercy.

And now? That is really all.

Karen said...

GAH! Not being one to ever accessorize, I'm siding with you on this one. JUST GET THE SHOE ALREADY.

katydidnot said...

i think you were wearing those shoes when we first met. i think.

i love her. (AY).

Courtney said...

I love that Tatum found her favorite pair of shoes for the job. And what i love more is 2 posts from you in 3 days, keep it up, I have missed you. love ya crazy girl

Miss M said...

Ew, and yuck. That is one huge spider!! I always freeze up for a second before I kill them because I am a wimp. Heebie jeebies!

Smart A$$ Mom said...

twenty11sixtythree minutes, (close enough, right) was hysterical! But egads! I would have lost.my.shit. if that was a snake.

Jasmine said...

Yeah... I hear ya!!! I had a similar moment yesterday at 5:30 in the morning when Eddie had already left for work... I heard a noise in the garage when I was putting my purse and lunch in my truck and saw that we had a mouse in our garage trash can and it was jumping to get out and scared the crap out of me!!!!! I love to see them in pet stores, don't get me wrong, but in my garage, I scream. So, there I was at 5:30 in the morning, in my pj's, calling Eddie and asking him what to do, then there I was carrying our trash can to our larger trash can outside to try and slide it out. It was all I could do to not scream and crawl inside myself!!! (I ended up successfully dropping it into the trash... sorry PETA!)

San Diego Momma said...

Holy freaking flacknod shit.

That's almost as bad as when a gigantoid spider fell on my FACE as I stepped naked into the shower.

paumier said...

Hi !
A salute to your courage !
But wanting a man just for those tasks is not useful. Get a butler !
:)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I might have been tempted to just move.

Trish said...

I think you should interview and hire a very hot bug guy to come over and do whatever it is they do to get rid of bugs... and I would recommend my guy but he is almost eightmilliontwentyfourtynine years old.

The Girl Next Door said...

And this is why I stayed with him for 20 years so now my son is old enough to do the killing.

(Kidding - but I do like that Son is old enough to kill giant rat bugs! and Snakes! And other evil things! And mow the lawn!)

Chris said...

Totally cute shoes! How'd the spider turn out?

CRigg said...

I really love this story. That is so classic. She's got her priorities down. Have a situation, must match the right shoe.

Domestic Spaz said...

AbsoLUTEly she had to find the right shoes! LOL! How adorable is that?

I nominated you for an award, btw. :)

CC said...

ewwwwwwwwwww! But having a man around does NOT mean that he'll do anything about that spider. Usually he screams as much as the kids! Kidding. sort of.