The Bitches Expand

Because I am lazy could not have said it better, please go see Jason to discover

a) why I popped two four Tylenol with coffee this morning 

b) why my kids got Lunchables in their lunchboxes today instead of hand-made sandwiches

c) why it's really, really hard not to disclose a little something about spit

d) why meeting bloggy friends is such a sweet part of my life (super sorry Deb and Mel for missing the big one tonight).

e) why I continue my "Wicked" crush on Jason, Cheri @ Blog This Mom!, and katydidnot, and have developed a new crush on Pumpkin Delight.

f) why I love having a mom who lives nearby and babysits for free!

Humpty Dumpty

I've been a cracked egg.  

I tried a new blog.

It just didn't fit.

So I'm back.

Go figure.

We'll see if "all the king's horses, and all the king's men" can put just jamie together again.  But in the meantime, I'm coming back home, to blogspot.  

I've been holding back a lot of feelings, trying not to share them here.  But damn, you people are one supportive group of listeners.  It's like a big ol' "I hear ya" fest, and for that I am grateful.  So, really, I started a new, NEW blog.  A place to sort, and mend, and figure.  I might come clean with that one, but for now, I just need a place to get it out.  

I'm sticking with what I love.  Reading your blogs.  Writing.  Cuddling with the kids (they're really into cuddling these days, what a gift).   Drinking wine.  Hanging.  Napping.  Staying in touch.  Listening.  Sipping coffee.  Going to church.  Go to the therapist.  Going to dinner with the family.  Finding comfort in friends.  Taking pictures.  

Speaking of friends.  Ya'll are some good listeners.  There's this one.  And this one.  And this one.  And this one.  And of course, this one.  Thank you.  Nuff said.

This woman is making some discoveries about herself.  Always a journey as I am "choosing my own..." happy ending.

"It's Like Skipping Straight To Butt-Sex On a First Date"

(Mel at A Dramatic Mommy, Cheri at Blog This Mom!, Jenn at Juggling Life, Kate at katydidnot, Deb at San Diego Momma and me.  Not pictured, Laural at Mamasphere who also had on some hot shoes!)

I won't rat out the owner of the quote, but I love her that much more for saying it.

When the Bitches go out, they put away their "How's the weather in your neighborhood," questions and go straight for the goods.  For that, I am thankful.

And they know how to nibble, sip, giggle, accessorize, munch, pose, and even climb.

(Although, I think I've seen the likes of this somewhere before...)

I'm pretty sure that the guy who took our picture(s) was giving me some sort of sign.  See it?  The "check out my wedding ring" sign.  Pshaw.  Just 'cause we're giddy doesn't mean we're going to honor the title of this post.

And anyways, maybe that's not the way we roll...

Do You Want To Hear My Acceptance Speech?

I suck.

There you have it.  

I have received some awards, like maybe a month ago (or more, okay yes, more) and it's time to show my thanks.  

Color me conceited, but I'm going to let myself off the hook, and take the nature of giving and receiving literally and say, thank you, sincerely, for allowing me to covet and cherish these awards, and now, please, allow me pass them along.  

There were probably some rules that went along with these and I'm totally blowing it.  But probably, they were this:

1)  Enjoy

2)  Share

(...or something like that.)

Lisa at Very Busy Mom With 4 awarded me with the loveliest little thing:

Aw, isn't it purdy?  I'm so proud.  Lisa is a hoot.  I don't think I've ever said that before, so I'll say it again, a hoot!  (That feels good.)  She travels with really old people, hangs out with 4 little young people, watches Malcolm in the Middle, and always makes me mute my volume because Josh Groban interferes with my reading of her daily musings.  Check out her post where she comes clean and admits she has a blog!

I would like to pass along the Sharing The Love Award to:

Krystyn at Really, Are You Serious?  Krystyn is adorable, has an adorable daughter, and an adoring husband (okay, I'll say it, he's adorable too), and a soon-to-be adorable baby on the way.  She leaves sweet comments, lubes up, and even lets her kid figure sh*t out for herself.  I dig that.  Please say hello.  

And, I'm sending it along to Lindsey at Douglas Drama.  Lindsey is a true sweetheart.   Like a modern day Disney Princess.  She is easy to relate to, funny, sassy, and has two darling, DARLING little angels.  Lindsey is also renovating a house and moving with these angels, so please take some love Lindsey!

Kristen, oh Kristen how do I love thee?  She sent along this cool baby:

Kristen at Loving Our Simple Life is one of those bloggers that remind us that we are not alone in the big ol' world of parenting.  Her kids are delicious, she shares before-and-after hair pics, and she's taken her kids to her parents for A MONTH!  Thank you Kristen!

I'd like to share the Must-See Blog Award with:

The one and only Burgh Baby's Mom is a TOTAL Must-See!  She says it like it is and just rocks me every time.  Although I give her no credit for her freaky-ass crazy baby games she plays with us, the rest of it is just golden.  If Burgh Baby lived closer I swear I'd kidnap her (don't contact authorities, I meant adopt her) because she is one coolio kid, like her mama.  Check out Burgh Baby.  Just don't blame me for the nightmares.  

And also to two total camera babes:  Tommie at Tuesday Update.  Tommie is a Must-See literally because she shoots the most beautiful damn pictures.  Her and MamaGeek at What Works For Us just drive me crazy with their mad camera skills.  Seriously.  Stop it!  Okay, don't.  But take the award, please.  

Wendi at Because Wendi Said So gave me this cutie-patootie.  Yes she did.  And I am so loving her blog to pieces.  Uh-huh.  Wendi cracks me up.  She has a great outlook on life, her son's name is Chase (hello? I'm kind of fond of that), she hooks me up with prizes (maybe I won fair and square, but I think she rigged it for me), and she makes me smile every dang time I read her.  Thanks Wendi!

So I'm passing along the Love You To Pieces Award to Karen at The Rocking Pony.  Karen keeps it real.  She gardens.  I know nothing about those leafy things, but I dig reading about hers (or at least seeing those garden-y things grow and stuff).  She talks about her peeling boobies, her crazy kidlets, and how she manages it all with like a farm and stuff.  Like totally.  Plus she has the most rockin' T-shirt designs which I guess I'm just going to have to buy one of these days because they are so freakin' smart!

(Okay, time-out.  I have a few more to share but I want to do it right and my kids are like locked in their room and stuff so I can blog.  Guess I ought to let them out.)  

I've got a wee bitty favor to ask of you.  Can you please check out my BlogRoll and tell me if you'd like to be added?  I just know I have many of you on my Google Reader but have mistakenly forgotten to add you to my BlogRoll.  Or come on out like Tiffany did and tell me you've been reading.  The guilt of (potentially) leaving my peeps is causing me to lose sleep.  Zzzzz...

You still there?

Okay, the music has long since played me off the stage.  I get it.

****************************************

Wait.  I forgot about my own contest.  Remember the Caption This Giveaway?  You don't?  Oh, well, that's because it was like forever ago.  Well, Trish chose the winner and it is hereby dubbed as Kathryn, funny woman.

She said, "Ugh.  My butt STILL itches and now it's full of sand too."  

Hee Hee.  His butt was all itchy.  Itchy butts are funny.

Kathryn, please email me and I'll send you Randy Pausch's Last Lecture.  

I must say, honorable mention goes to Jennifer.  She referenced her grandma's dog dragging its ass across the carpet.  She was afraid she offended me comparing a dog's ass to my son.  Sheez.  Right.  :)  I nearly peed my pants.  

The Bitches Went Out

When bloggers get together in San Diego, they bitch it up, bitch it down, and bitch it all around Uh-huh.  These bitches are becoming like family, and really, I'll let you in on a little secret ... shhh... they're not really that bitchy.  

But bitches we are called.

So I'm hereby dubbing them with a new name ('cause I'm good at inventing things all by myself*).

There's The Wine Enthusiast One:

(AKA Mommyrella)

She said something about blah, blah, blah training for a half marathon, but I didn't really know much about that training stuff.  Then she said blah, blah, blah something about wine, and my ears perked up 'cause I know a little something about that stuff.  But then it turns out that The Wine Enthusiast actually really knows a little something about grape stomping, so then it was all blah, blah, blah again.  

Then there's the I'm Blushing and Forgetful One:

(AKA katydidnot)

She said something about blah, blah, blah, I have a hot, new man, and blah, blah, blah, I forgot my wallet, and then we made her promise to buy dinner for the next five blog get-togethers, and she totally will, 'cause she's a pushover.  

We also had the Queen Bee Who's Not Really a Queen Bee One:

(AKA Jenn at Juggling Life)

And she was all let me tell you about this awesome way to handle bitches, not us of course, but the real ones.  Then she said something about blah, blah, blah my purse is so organized and you are some jealous bitches, and blah, blah, blah I look all innocent and sh*t but I've got some good TJ stories,  and then she split the bill all perfectly in her head I got all jealous and stuff.

Then there was the Crazy I'll Make A Totem Pole One:

(AKA Mel, A Dramatic Mommy)

She was all let me write that blog name down, oh and let me write down that shrimp, and that chicken, and that sip of medori, and then I'll blah, blah, blah make you pee your pants laughing and then she wrote down some more.  The she did some math too and blah, blah, blah that's a big-ass fish and blah, blah, blah you just peed your pants again huh?

Oh, and then there's the My Head's As Twisted As a Harry Potter Novel On Steven King Steroids One:

(AKA San Diego Momma)

And she was all my daughter asks about blood curdling screams and blah, blah, blah, I'm finishing a novel this year, and blah, blah, blah I might be house shopping and let's make a totem pole picture.  

*And then there's me, who brilliantly proclaims to have made up the following Bailey's and decaf drink:

Where would I be without these bitches?  I dunno, not popping four aspirin this morning for one.  But what an awesome group of ladies.  And although some of the bitches were too wimpy and tired to come out, we love you too.  

Drowning

Ugh.  

Just came up for air (beneath the dozens of cardboard boxes) long enough to say, 

"It's not you, it's me."

My Google Reader is at 123 today.  I'm getting panic attacks for neglecting such fine authors, but for now ... I have to pull away and focus on packing, moving, oh and ... paying attention to my kids.  

I think I'll have to break up with Twitter and Cr8Buzz too because I just can't keep up.  And I'm a girl who likes to put her ALL into everything.  So if I can't be the best, I quit.  (Great teachable moment here, if only I had time to figure it out...)

While I'm on sabbatical (read: getting my world screwed on straight) please read a real-life friend of mine who has decided to blog, again, for the fifth time.  Please pop over and give her a welcome.  I promise you some adorable twins on her site.  

In between gulps of packaging tape, packing paper, and shoving shampoo, wine glasses, and dump trucks all into one box, I'll check in.  Until then ... I'll miss ya'll.  

Meme Rhymes with Theme

(It took me a while to learn that.  I thought it was a me-me, because isn't everything all about ME?  No.  Oh.  Damn-it.  Well, it is here.)

Lori at Teacher Turned Mommy tagged me with this Meme.  The thing is, I suck at memes.  

Here are the rules (WARNING:  I'm not good at playing by the rules.)

a.  Link the person who tagged you.  (I did that.)

b.  Post the rules on your blog. (I'm two for two now.)

c.  Write six random things about yourself. (This is where the rules get foggy.)

d.  Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.   (How random?  Like, totally random, with no thought on my part at all.... okay.)

e.  Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment at their blog.  (No can do.)

f.  Let your tagger know when your entry is up.  (What do you take me for?  A total slacker?)

Here are SIX places that I've been blessed enough to visit.  Although I'm all for bragging, this isn't to brag, just to document.  Before my Mommy brain cells are all used up.  And I forget.  

Where was I?

Paris, France

London, England

Florence, Italy

Venice, Italy

Rome, Italy

(Orange hair?  WTF?)

New York, NY

Munich, Germany (That's my cute Mom)

(I'm not that skinny.  The beers were just freakishly proportioned.)

(Pretzels and Beers)

Amsterdam, Holland

And now I'm tagging 6 "random" people:  If your name is Susan, Martha, Hannah, George, Adele, or Ian I tag you.  (Totally random.  I don't think I know them.  In fact, I know I don't.  But, it's a good way to get to know you if that's your name.)

Lori also bestowed this beauty on my.  Although I'm totally unworthy because I just screwed up your meme.  But thank you.  Check Lori out.  She is a Teacher turned Mommy just like me.  Her son is adorable.  She does digital scrap-booking.  She's about to pop out baby boy #2.  And she's great at leaving comments.  

I love this flowery award because it proclaims friendship in this cyber world.  I've come to LOVE all of you in this blog land.  So again, I'm cheating on the rules.  If you and I read one another's blog (that's a lot of you lovely people out there), I give this Blog Friend Award to you.  Yes, YOU!  Take it.  Share it.

And CC over at If I Only Had SuperPowers gave this sweet one to me.  The story goes that it's a "laugh, cry, think, or sigh" award.  CC says I make her laugh.  Are you good in math?  That means I got one quarter of this award.  THAT'S sayin' something.  What's it saying?  Please check out CC for her expertise in Speech and Language, her What Works For Me ideas, and her general KICK-A** approach at helping the world one teaching tip at a time.  I think she really does have Superpowers!

I'm passing along this one to Burgh Baby's Mom because I have a blog crush on her.  She was just on her local news bragging about how great her blog was, drumming up AdSense and all, so I figure I'd help her out.  Nah, she really does make me "laugh, cry, think, or sigh," especially when she puts those creepy dolls on her site.

Bossing Around

A certain serendipity happens when people come together, people who have taken the next step in this Blogging world.  It helps when you have a certain sort of Bossy inspiration.  

We began as six strands on a tiny little thread, gingerly webbed together through a cyber sort of version of Kevin Bacon's 6 Degrees of Separation.  As the night went on, drinks were served, food was consumed, and guards let down, one could feel the thread gaining strength.

A lovely quilt hung behind us, one I kept meaning to ask our hostess Katydidnot of its origin.  As I reflect on the evening I can't help but see these kinds of friendships as little squares pieced carefully together on our own human quilt.  

Once the cameras were put away and shoes were kicked off,  the connection grew square by square.  A sudden glance through the picture window may have displayed a group of women bound by years of friendship.   Although we are not bound by time, circumstance brought together some inspiring honest talk.

We missed our friends who had pathetic excuses couldn't make it and hope to keep the network going.  

Bossy left me inspired with ideas of a personal litmus test.  I know I will reflect on this as days and years go by.

Katydidnot may not know how deeply her own story has touched me.  I'm loving her thoughts on knowing it all.  "I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.  So wait, until you do know."  Who says we have to know it all.  Right.  Now.  Oh, darn-it.

I don't think it was necessarily the margaritas.  I suppose there's something about being on a couch with the best listeners a woman could hope for that gets you to spill.  I suppose I did some of that, um, yup.

Aaryn joined in some spilling.  The kind that makes you respect a woman, her story, and her journey ahead.  Her infectious story-telling is probably the way she greets everyone, although I like to think she made it extra punchy for us.

Jenn might just be the best little kitchen person I've ever been privileged to share a meal with, all while lending expertise and showing the shiny side of things with a capital H (wink).  

Deb has that quiet strength, the kind that nods and leans at all the right parts, then spits out a piece of power hiding within.  

I suppose by the night's end, when glasses were gathered, purses were found, and sleeping beauties lie in adjacent rooms, I drove away feeling grateful for human connections.  The wispy thread that brought us together earned some tensile strength.  I hope this thread continues to grow, to wrap, and to connect these women and others.

We came together for Bossy.  Dare I say, we'll stay together for the journey.  And just as a hand-made quilt, there's always room for more squares.

Are You Trying To Sell Me Something?

Beware Dorothy, there are actual humans behind the blogosphere curtain.  We met, they're better than I could have hoped for, and they didn't try and sell me anything.  

Yup, Hot Blogging Mamas

They wear hot mama shoes, too.

Check out our hostess Katydidnot.  She cooks a mean lasagna, has a heart full of laughter and house full of children to adore.

Blog This Mom rocked her biker boots, and knows how to WRITE.  Find her.  Tell her she's a writer.  Make her believe it.

We don't know how she pulls it off, but if you want a role model talk to Jenn at Juggling Life for advice on doing it ALL, and doing it well.

San Diego Momma knows how to snap a photo, make you laugh, and balance family life.

And Aaryn Belfer tells it like it is with compassion and dignity, all wrapped up in a smile while balanced on smokin' hot red wedge sandals.

The kiddos were amazing.  Maybe they have been reading over our shoulders because they seemed to sense the beauty of friendship around them.  A certain little sweet-pea even shared her birthday with us.   

If you can, go make it real.  Meet your local blog friends.  These ladies did not disappoint.  I officially have a crush on them all.