9. Extending a shoe-shopping fetish to 20 extra tiny toes.
8. Two words: Mr. Bubble
7. Ordering Mac n' Cheese at a restaurant from the children's menu (for myself).
6. Eating gummy vitamins, in pajamas, while getting my learn on watching Sesame Street.
5. Using the excuse, "Excuse me, gotta go, my kid is (insert phrase) overflowing the bathtub, biting her brother, coloring on the walls/getting into the vodka/driving the car...) to get off the phone.
4. Naming rights: First, Middle, and Last
3. Noodle necklaces, finger-painting, blowing bubbles, playing catch, handprints, sand castles, backwards letters, believing in Santa.
2. Bedtime kisses Every. Single. Night.
And the #1 (Secret) Perk of Having Kids:
1. Pimping out your kid to cut in line for the bathroom.
(No, I wouldn't do that.)